So the other day one of my friends said "either date me or we aren't friends anymore. First of all I'm not going to be in a relationship I don't want to be in, that be a toxic relationship. Not will I be with someone I do not love back. But like What do you hope to gain from a forced relationship? Someone who doesn’t really want to be with you? Why would you want that? We don’t get to choose who we fall in love with; it just happens. We are attracted to some people and not others, and if we are lucky, the person that we are attracted to will also be attracted to us - but this has to be voluntary. You can’t make someone love you if they don’t. If you try and succeed in forcing this relationship, what you will end up with is someone who will resent you for what you’ve done, and that’s a miserable relationship. Give it up and move on. Just please leave me alone dam.
10.21.24
People are also biased, judgemental, and mean. On the internet, you don’t have to see the people you are talking to. Many people are more likely to be confrontational when they don’t have to deal with a physical person. Personally, I don't care for judging endless theres a good enough reason to.I think people like to feel important and superior. So that's why they judge I understand it can be other things such as insecurities, jealousy, certain beliefs and religion. But I was told judging a sin so I don't know why they do it.
10.22.24
I really udedy hate how I don't follow these people's beauty standards, I was always the last option and the outcast and the left behind person. Always given the bad jobs. People yell at me if I made a mistake but yet when this girl who was the most prettiest girl in class did, she was told "hey it's okay" "people make mistakes". They are not nice to me nor kind. They made me feel worse and they made me feel less important and they made me feel, that I don't matter to any kind and that I am not worth it. Everything I do is for them considered weird and awkward and they have always made fun of me and bullied me. Most of all they belittle me. All of this I experienced it all. I really hope someone can understand this. I never really even had a boyfriend in real life. I hate it. Y'all ruined my self esteem from day one. I have no idea why I never did anything to anyone, but you bullied and made fun of me ? I don't know how many pictures I will put on here but you know I do want people to know who the owner is. I don't think it's necessary. But I don't let these things bother me anymore, there's no point
11.7.24
The last version of me that they knew, or still know me as. That's something I can't change. Sometimes I wish it was something I could change. But other times I hope they remember me that way, Although I wouldn't want to spoil the memories we had together with the person that I am today even if I got off on the wrong side. They wouldn't have been as fond by me they remember me by
11.8.24
Ironically it's 5:55 am when I'm typing this. But anyways lately I've had these strangerapid, unplanned actions or more so actually on impulsives, I think I've been quiet, certainly any outbursts were only occasional.
11.8.24
I am starting to picture two different girls within me. One self that lives life happily, and wants to live the best life she can live. The other self that literally sabotages everything that the happy self has done and achieved. Being all crazy, easily triggered, self destruction. I don't know why I do it when I'm hurt or angry. I don't want to act on impulse anymore. Of course I want that girl that lives happily, married, a good career and a family someday. I don't like to self sabotage of course I don't purposely do it. But sometimes you can't help it and I really hope if someone's reading this they understand, or at least are at a sense of self that someone understands them too. But I don't wanna self sabotage anymore, I don't wanna ruin friendships or relationships. I want to actually get married one day and start a family. Yeah I may have done something really bad that could end it but sometimes I don't see right from wrong because of intense emotions and extreme thinking patterns:
at the time at least I'll probably end up seeing the wrong a week later than end up regretting it. Nor do I think before I do certain things. Of course I don't mean to hurt people I would never go out of my way to hurt anyone in any way. I also don't like talking about this so this is why I made this website so I could remain somewhat anonymous.
11.8.24
If love is such a good thing why does it hurt so bad? I just wanna feel my hand in someone's, the heat of our own breath between us, and how you'd feel with your lips on mine. I just want someone to love. I hope I find that someday. I really thought I did but maybe he's still out there I just have to wait for him to come. Maybe I'm just blind and he's right in front of me I just don't see it.
11.12.24
This is like a rollercoaster of emotions constantly, all within 24 hours. Feeling empty, and a strong urge to fill the void inside. Anxiety, guilt, second guessing over literally everything, shame, loneliness. Regrets. Anger, lots of anger over small things, very often, with anger, frustration that's usually completely out of context but at times they it's not like that for me. Being set off easily, and quickly. A sense of dread and uneasiness about my future. Extremely hard not living in the past, I wish people would understand that . Admiration and hate, switching constantly, for the same person or maybe someone you may like . Feeling land masking. And lastly Unresolved trauma. I’m scared of the world, and in fear that nobody around me loves me for who I am and I am a burden. Yet I feel like everyone could like me. But I feel like I annoy everyone and I should just go away and leave them alone. Switching to "I'm gonna spam text them all day" then "I'm gonna not speak to this person all day" then people not believing anything is wrong. Meaning in reality, your head is a war zone or a jungle. The list goes on. I don't wanna type it all out on juat this one writings.
11.13.24
After a lifetime of being that way I hope my next one won't be that way, I will not make the same mistakes I made at all. I just hope I can find someone to love me for me. I'm sick of being told "he never loved you", "who could ever love you". "I could never love you". It really hurts. Like deeply hurts. Feeling like you will never be loved the way you love others. Is such a kick to the stomach.
11.15.24
I really hate that the smallest thing can happen and suddenly I feel like the room is collapsing and my chest is going to explode. I hate having to choose whether I should let it continue to grow and destroy me inside or if I'm going to open the flood gates and probably hurt the ones I love in the process which I would really hate to do so. I hate myself when it is all over and the guilt, shame and regret sits on my chest like a ton of rocks. Really really heavy rocks. I want to take it all back but I can't and all I want to do is to cry. It's not like I can ignore it, the emotional and sometimes physical mess is there to be cleaned up and it feels too big to face at the end of it. But my mistakes are made and those can't be taken back no matter what I do. Emotions so strong my mind can't comprehend nor even react to it switching so fast from happy to sad to emotional to happy. Like yes you may think "oh that's normal" but you're not understanding what I'm saying if you do think that. do the same to you. I'm sorry.
12.14.24
Being called awkward or werid by others, getting almost sick just being in public places or dreading being in a public area, hate walking in a public area especially since everyone is starting at you. This feeling of nervousness can cause your mind to go blank, making it difficult to think of things to say which makes it harder to talk to people in real life. Whenever you hear people laughing you automatically think they're making fun of you.
Also I can't keep eye contact for anything, it makes me feel uncomfortable or one again sick. Which leads up to never being able to talk in a room full of people due to them looking right at you, and the sick feeling. Or sometimes, I will stare directly at someone I don't know why I do it I'm scared too, so I'm going to walk up and slap me one day but I'm still going to do it.
12.16.24
Sometimes, the weight of loneliness can feel suffocating, wrapping around me like a thick fog that won't lift. I find myself in crowded rooms, surrounded by laughter and chatter, yet I remain untouched, a silent observer in a world that seems to move on without me. The silence echoes in my mind, reminding me of the connections I long for but can't seem to grasp. I yearn for a familiar voice or a hand to hold, yet there’s an invisible barrier between me and the warmth of companionship. It's in these moments that I realize how isolating it can be to feel like I’m on the outside looking in, longing for a bridge to span the distance to those who might truly understand. I keep falling in love with people I shouldn't. I can't stand this loneliness, my friends rarely talk to me. I think my crush hates me or I don't think he would ever wanna be with me. I'm not sure why anyone would. I hate this. I just want one person I can talk to all the time, someone who would understand. I keep surrounding myself with people I know are bad for me, but I don't understand why I feel the need to keep them around. I have a hard time trusting people and I'm paranoid about so many things, I wish someone out there would listen BUT I HATE HATE HATE LOVE RIGHT NOW.
12.16.24
We all deserve a happy ending fr
12.16.24
I meant everything I’ve ever said about you, and everything I’ve never said out loud.. and all the good things I think about you and all the bad things I think about You. And I was serious about. I'm not sure if you want to be in a relationship with me or anything, we just met a month or so. I'll give it time. Sometimes I I really wanna talk to you. most of the time I end up not doing so, and i know why but it’s confusing . I know if you wanted to reach out to me , you would’ve lol i try not to bother anyone anymore especially you but sometimes i want to tell you things. and it’s not always romantic or anything , i just want to talk to somebody I don’t wanna be a burden though and I really do like you. Especially with what happened with you know who that one night, I doubt you believe me but I can't force you. But I'll give it time. I can't keep hurting myself over people anymore. I've been afraid of being honest, telling you about all these feelings, you've left me drowning in. But I really don't wanna come off as strange or ruin things. Loving someone requires sacrifices, work and I would be more than willing to make them for you, but what does that make me? Would you do the same for me? You were in my dreams last night.Never seen your face but somehow, I know its you, the whole dream felt funny but I suppose dreams are like that at times. Most dreams with you it in they seem to have that theme. I know time is running out. I know you can't hold onto this forever. Maybe I could though I don't typically get crushes but when I do it's not really good I guess a lot of people are that way. To top off this long letter I wrote for you, I don't know you nearly enough for this, yet here I am contemplating. I do know you enough to know I really like you and it upsets me when you don't talk to be the whole day. I feel like I'm way too old for all this nonsense.
12.17.24
I’m so in love with you. It is sickening. I can’t get you off my mind, I can’t seem to find ways to get over you. I just want you. I want you so much. I see you everywhere. Every spot, every street I go to. I think of you with me. I can't live without you, I am nothing without you. I breathed for you, tore myself apart and put myself back tougher for you
12.17.24
I
I just feel so alone in a relationship kinda way, I need someone to connect with. I can't sleep because I can't stop thinking about him. I've been trying to sleep for the past two hours and nothing. He hasn't really said much to me the last few days so I'm not sure what's going on. On top of that I'm dealing with more issues really don't even know how to put my feelings and thoughts into words right now. I hate this so much. All I can say is I remember crushes being fun? Not whatever this is.I've only had 2 other crushes though
12.17.24
I've realistically always been a quiet person,never been a fan of talking to people I don't know - or socializing. I've never had irl really. I don't hangout with people my own age. I only go out on walks by myself which I love. I can listen to my music really loudly, I can think to myself, on top of that I'm burning calories while doing so. I also never really had an actual relationship with a guy besides online. So that means I'm still a virgin at 20 but I don't mind as much. But I really do love my online friends a lot. Which now that I'm 20 it feels weird to say. I hate getting older, but I guess it's a part of life? But I don't really mind not being a teenager anymore, those years were quite lonely and the worse. People were mean to me I used to get bullied ever since middle school. Of course, when I go out in public I have girls pointing at me and laughing but they aren't worth my time. But when I was in school it was different. They would make fun of my eyes and say "they are huge and look like they're gonna fall out of my head". They would make fun of my looks, I even had some guys who'd put hands on me but I won't get into that, they'd make fun of my style, hair, glasses just everything at this point. I never understood why I'm assuming it comes from their own insecurities and then waiting to feel superior which is dumb why bully someone to make yourself feel better about yourself. Whatever I suppose hopefully they'll grow out of it, I still see them in public and I can hear them laughing. Can't wait to move to the city.
.
People are also biased, judgemental, and mean. On the internet, you don’t have to see the people you are talking to. Many people are more likely to be confrontational when they don’t have to deal with a physical person. Personally, I don't care for judging endless theres a good enough reason to.I think people like to feel important and superior. So that's why they judge I understand it can be other things such as insecurities, jealousy, certain beliefs and religion. But I was told judging a sin so I don't know why they do it.
10.22.24
I really udedy hate how I don't follow these people's beauty standards, I was always the last option and the outcast and the left behind person. Always given the bad jobs. People yell at me if I made a mistake but yet when this girl who was the most prettiest girl in class did, she was told "hey it's okay" "people make mistakes". They are not nice to me nor kind. They made me feel worse and they made me feel less important and they made me feel, that I don't matter to any kind and that I am not worth it. Everything I do is for them considered weird and awkward and they have always made fun of me and bullied me. Most of all they belittle me. All of this I experienced it all. I really hope someone can understand this. I never really even had a boyfriend in real life. I hate it. Y'all ruined my self esteem from day one. I have no idea why I never did anything to anyone, but you bullied and made fun of me ? I don't know how many pictures I will put on here but you know I do want people to know who the owner is. I don't think it's necessary. But I don't let these things bother me anymore, there's no point
11.7.24
The last version of me that they knew, or still know me as. That's something I can't change. Sometimes I wish it was something I could change. But other times I hope they remember me that way, Although I wouldn't want to spoil the memories we had together with the person that I am today even if I got off on the wrong side. They wouldn't have been as fond by me they remember me by
11.8.24
Ironically it's 5:55 am when I'm typing this. But anyways lately I've had these strangerapid, unplanned actions or more so actually on impulsives, I think I've been quiet, certainly any outbursts were only occasional.
11.8.24
I am starting to picture two different girls within me. One self that lives life happily, and wants to live the best life she can live. The other self that literally sabotages everything that the happy self has done and achieved. Being all crazy, easily triggered, self destruction. I don't know why I do it when I'm hurt or angry. I don't want to act on impulse anymore. Of course I want that girl that lives happily, married, a good career and a family someday. I don't like to self sabotage of course I don't purposely do it. But sometimes you can't help it and I really hope if someone's reading this they understand, or at least are at a sense of self that someone understands them too. But I don't wanna self sabotage anymore, I don't wanna ruin friendships or relationships. I want to actually get married one day and start a family. Yeah I may have done something really bad that could end it but sometimes I don't see right from wrong because of intense emotions and extreme thinking patterns:
at the time at least I'll probably end up seeing the wrong a week later than end up regretting it. Nor do I think before I do certain things. Of course I don't mean to hurt people I would never go out of my way to hurt anyone in any way. I also don't like talking about this so this is why I made this website so I could remain somewhat anonymous.
11.8.24
If love is such a good thing why does it hurt so bad? I just wanna feel my hand in someone's, the heat of our own breath between us, and how you'd feel with your lips on mine. I just want someone to love. I hope I find that someday. I really thought I did but maybe he's still out there I just have to wait for him to come. Maybe I'm just blind and he's right in front of me I just don't see it.
11.12.24
This is like a rollercoaster of emotions constantly, all within 24 hours. Feeling empty, and a strong urge to fill the void inside. Anxiety, guilt, second guessing over literally everything, shame, loneliness. Regrets. Anger, lots of anger over small things, very often, with anger, frustration that's usually completely out of context but at times they it's not like that for me. Being set off easily, and quickly. A sense of dread and uneasiness about my future. Extremely hard not living in the past, I wish people would understand that . Admiration and hate, switching constantly, for the same person or maybe someone you may like . Feeling land masking. And lastly Unresolved trauma. I’m scared of the world, and in fear that nobody around me loves me for who I am and I am a burden. Yet I feel like everyone could like me. But I feel like I annoy everyone and I should just go away and leave them alone. Switching to "I'm gonna spam text them all day" then "I'm gonna not speak to this person all day" then people not believing anything is wrong. Meaning in reality, your head is a war zone or a jungle. The list goes on. I don't wanna type it all out on juat this one writings.
11.13.24
After a lifetime of being that way I hope my next one won't be that way, I will not make the same mistakes I made at all. I just hope I can find someone to love me for me. I'm sick of being told "he never loved you", "who could ever love you". "I could never love you". It really hurts. Like deeply hurts. Feeling like you will never be loved the way you love others. Is such a kick to the stomach.
11.15.24
I really hate that the smallest thing can happen and suddenly I feel like the room is collapsing and my chest is going to explode. I hate having to choose whether I should let it continue to grow and destroy me inside or if I'm going to open the flood gates and probably hurt the ones I love in the process which I would really hate to do so. I hate myself when it is all over and the guilt, shame and regret sits on my chest like a ton of rocks. Really really heavy rocks. I want to take it all back but I can't and all I want to do is to cry. It's not like I can ignore it, the emotional and sometimes physical mess is there to be cleaned up and it feels too big to face at the end of it. But my mistakes are made and those can't be taken back no matter what I do. Emotions so strong my mind can't comprehend nor even react to it switching so fast from happy to sad to emotional to happy. Like yes you may think "oh that's normal" but you're not understanding what I'm saying if you do think that. do the same to you. I'm sorry.
12.14.24
Being called awkward or werid by others, getting almost sick just being in public places or dreading being in a public area, hate walking in a public area especially since everyone is starting at you. This feeling of nervousness can cause your mind to go blank, making it difficult to think of things to say which makes it harder to talk to people in real life. Whenever you hear people laughing you automatically think they're making fun of you.
Also I can't keep eye contact for anything, it makes me feel uncomfortable or one again sick. Which leads up to never being able to talk in a room full of people due to them looking right at you, and the sick feeling. Or sometimes, I will stare directly at someone I don't know why I do it I'm scared too, so I'm going to walk up and slap me one day but I'm still going to do it.
12.16.24
Sometimes, the weight of loneliness can feel suffocating, wrapping around me like a thick fog that won't lift. I find myself in crowded rooms, surrounded by laughter and chatter, yet I remain untouched, a silent observer in a world that seems to move on without me. The silence echoes in my mind, reminding me of the connections I long for but can't seem to grasp. I yearn for a familiar voice or a hand to hold, yet there’s an invisible barrier between me and the warmth of companionship. It's in these moments that I realize how isolating it can be to feel like I’m on the outside looking in, longing for a bridge to span the distance to those who might truly understand. I keep falling in love with people I shouldn't. I can't stand this loneliness, my friends rarely talk to me. I think my crush hates me or I don't think he would ever wanna be with me. I'm not sure why anyone would. I hate this. I just want one person I can talk to all the time, someone who would understand. I keep surrounding myself with people I know are bad for me, but I don't understand why I feel the need to keep them around. I have a hard time trusting people and I'm paranoid about so many things, I wish someone out there would listen BUT I HATE HATE HATE LOVE RIGHT NOW.
12.16.24
We all deserve a happy ending fr
12.16.24
I meant everything I’ve ever said about you, and everything I’ve never said out loud.. and all the good things I think about you and all the bad things I think about You. And I was serious about. I'm not sure if you want to be in a relationship with me or anything, we just met a month or so. I'll give it time. Sometimes I I really wanna talk to you. most of the time I end up not doing so, and i know why but it’s confusing . I know if you wanted to reach out to me , you would’ve lol i try not to bother anyone anymore especially you but sometimes i want to tell you things. and it’s not always romantic or anything , i just want to talk to somebody I don’t wanna be a burden though and I really do like you. Especially with what happened with you know who that one night, I doubt you believe me but I can't force you. But I'll give it time. I can't keep hurting myself over people anymore. I've been afraid of being honest, telling you about all these feelings, you've left me drowning in. But I really don't wanna come off as strange or ruin things. Loving someone requires sacrifices, work and I would be more than willing to make them for you, but what does that make me? Would you do the same for me? You were in my dreams last night.Never seen your face but somehow, I know its you, the whole dream felt funny but I suppose dreams are like that at times. Most dreams with you it in they seem to have that theme. I know time is running out. I know you can't hold onto this forever. Maybe I could though I don't typically get crushes but when I do it's not really good I guess a lot of people are that way. To top off this long letter I wrote for you, I don't know you nearly enough for this, yet here I am contemplating. I do know you enough to know I really like you and it upsets me when you don't talk to be the whole day. I feel like I'm way too old for all this nonsense.
12.17.24
I’m so in love with you. It is sickening. I can’t get you off my mind, I can’t seem to find ways to get over you. I just want you. I want you so much. I see you everywhere. Every spot, every street I go to. I think of you with me. I can't live without you, I am nothing without you. I breathed for you, tore myself apart and put myself back tougher for you
12.17.24
I
I just feel so alone in a relationship kinda way, I need someone to connect with. I can't sleep because I can't stop thinking about him. I've been trying to sleep for the past two hours and nothing. He hasn't really said much to me the last few days so I'm not sure what's going on. On top of that I'm dealing with more issues really don't even know how to put my feelings and thoughts into words right now. I hate this so much. All I can say is I remember crushes being fun? Not whatever this is.I've only had 2 other crushes though
12.17.24
I've realistically always been a quiet person,never been a fan of talking to people I don't know - or socializing. I've never had irl really. I don't hangout with people my own age. I only go out on walks by myself which I love. I can listen to my music really loudly, I can think to myself, on top of that I'm burning calories while doing so. I also never really had an actual relationship with a guy besides online. So that means I'm still a virgin at 20 but I don't mind as much. But I really do love my online friends a lot. Which now that I'm 20 it feels weird to say. I hate getting older, but I guess it's a part of life? But I don't really mind not being a teenager anymore, those years were quite lonely and the worse. People were mean to me I used to get bullied ever since middle school. Of course, when I go out in public I have girls pointing at me and laughing but they aren't worth my time. But when I was in school it was different. They would make fun of my eyes and say "they are huge and look like they're gonna fall out of my head". They would make fun of my looks, I even had some guys who'd put hands on me but I won't get into that, they'd make fun of my style, hair, glasses just everything at this point. I never understood why I'm assuming it comes from their own insecurities and then waiting to feel superior which is dumb why bully someone to make yourself feel better about yourself. Whatever I suppose hopefully they'll grow out of it, I still see them in public and I can hear them laughing. Can't wait to move to the city.
.
The last version of me that they knew, or still know me as. That's something I can't change. Sometimes I wish it was something I could change. But other times I hope they remember me that way, Although I wouldn't want to spoil the memories we had together with the person that I am today even if I got off on the wrong side. They wouldn't have been as fond by me they remember me by
11.8.24
Ironically it's 5:55 am when I'm typing this. But anyways lately I've had these strangerapid, unplanned actions or more so actually on impulsives, I think I've been quiet, certainly any outbursts were only occasional.
11.8.24
I am starting to picture two different girls within me. One self that lives life happily, and wants to live the best life she can live. The other self that literally sabotages everything that the happy self has done and achieved. Being all crazy, easily triggered, self destruction. I don't know why I do it when I'm hurt or angry. I don't want to act on impulse anymore. Of course I want that girl that lives happily, married, a good career and a family someday. I don't like to self sabotage of course I don't purposely do it. But sometimes you can't help it and I really hope if someone's reading this they understand, or at least are at a sense of self that someone understands them too. But I don't wanna self sabotage anymore, I don't wanna ruin friendships or relationships. I want to actually get married one day and start a family. Yeah I may have done something really bad that could end it but sometimes I don't see right from wrong because of intense emotions and extreme thinking patterns:
at the time at least I'll probably end up seeing the wrong a week later than end up regretting it. Nor do I think before I do certain things. Of course I don't mean to hurt people I would never go out of my way to hurt anyone in any way. I also don't like talking about this so this is why I made this website so I could remain somewhat anonymous.
11.8.24
If love is such a good thing why does it hurt so bad? I just wanna feel my hand in someone's, the heat of our own breath between us, and how you'd feel with your lips on mine. I just want someone to love. I hope I find that someday. I really thought I did but maybe he's still out there I just have to wait for him to come. Maybe I'm just blind and he's right in front of me I just don't see it.
11.12.24
This is like a rollercoaster of emotions constantly, all within 24 hours. Feeling empty, and a strong urge to fill the void inside. Anxiety, guilt, second guessing over literally everything, shame, loneliness. Regrets. Anger, lots of anger over small things, very often, with anger, frustration that's usually completely out of context but at times they it's not like that for me. Being set off easily, and quickly. A sense of dread and uneasiness about my future. Extremely hard not living in the past, I wish people would understand that . Admiration and hate, switching constantly, for the same person or maybe someone you may like . Feeling land masking. And lastly Unresolved trauma. I’m scared of the world, and in fear that nobody around me loves me for who I am and I am a burden. Yet I feel like everyone could like me. But I feel like I annoy everyone and I should just go away and leave them alone. Switching to "I'm gonna spam text them all day" then "I'm gonna not speak to this person all day" then people not believing anything is wrong. Meaning in reality, your head is a war zone or a jungle. The list goes on. I don't wanna type it all out on juat this one writings.
11.13.24
After a lifetime of being that way I hope my next one won't be that way, I will not make the same mistakes I made at all. I just hope I can find someone to love me for me. I'm sick of being told "he never loved you", "who could ever love you". "I could never love you". It really hurts. Like deeply hurts. Feeling like you will never be loved the way you love others. Is such a kick to the stomach.
11.15.24
I really hate that the smallest thing can happen and suddenly I feel like the room is collapsing and my chest is going to explode. I hate having to choose whether I should let it continue to grow and destroy me inside or if I'm going to open the flood gates and probably hurt the ones I love in the process which I would really hate to do so. I hate myself when it is all over and the guilt, shame and regret sits on my chest like a ton of rocks. Really really heavy rocks. I want to take it all back but I can't and all I want to do is to cry. It's not like I can ignore it, the emotional and sometimes physical mess is there to be cleaned up and it feels too big to face at the end of it. But my mistakes are made and those can't be taken back no matter what I do. Emotions so strong my mind can't comprehend nor even react to it switching so fast from happy to sad to emotional to happy. Like yes you may think "oh that's normal" but you're not understanding what I'm saying if you do think that. do the same to you. I'm sorry.
12.14.24
Being called awkward or werid by others, getting almost sick just being in public places or dreading being in a public area, hate walking in a public area especially since everyone is starting at you. This feeling of nervousness can cause your mind to go blank, making it difficult to think of things to say which makes it harder to talk to people in real life. Whenever you hear people laughing you automatically think they're making fun of you.
Also I can't keep eye contact for anything, it makes me feel uncomfortable or one again sick. Which leads up to never being able to talk in a room full of people due to them looking right at you, and the sick feeling. Or sometimes, I will stare directly at someone I don't know why I do it I'm scared too, so I'm going to walk up and slap me one day but I'm still going to do it.
12.16.24
Sometimes, the weight of loneliness can feel suffocating, wrapping around me like a thick fog that won't lift. I find myself in crowded rooms, surrounded by laughter and chatter, yet I remain untouched, a silent observer in a world that seems to move on without me. The silence echoes in my mind, reminding me of the connections I long for but can't seem to grasp. I yearn for a familiar voice or a hand to hold, yet there’s an invisible barrier between me and the warmth of companionship. It's in these moments that I realize how isolating it can be to feel like I’m on the outside looking in, longing for a bridge to span the distance to those who might truly understand. I keep falling in love with people I shouldn't. I can't stand this loneliness, my friends rarely talk to me. I think my crush hates me or I don't think he would ever wanna be with me. I'm not sure why anyone would. I hate this. I just want one person I can talk to all the time, someone who would understand. I keep surrounding myself with people I know are bad for me, but I don't understand why I feel the need to keep them around. I have a hard time trusting people and I'm paranoid about so many things, I wish someone out there would listen BUT I HATE HATE HATE LOVE RIGHT NOW.
12.16.24
We all deserve a happy ending fr
12.16.24
I meant everything I’ve ever said about you, and everything I’ve never said out loud.. and all the good things I think about you and all the bad things I think about You. And I was serious about. I'm not sure if you want to be in a relationship with me or anything, we just met a month or so. I'll give it time. Sometimes I I really wanna talk to you. most of the time I end up not doing so, and i know why but it’s confusing . I know if you wanted to reach out to me , you would’ve lol i try not to bother anyone anymore especially you but sometimes i want to tell you things. and it’s not always romantic or anything , i just want to talk to somebody I don’t wanna be a burden though and I really do like you. Especially with what happened with you know who that one night, I doubt you believe me but I can't force you. But I'll give it time. I can't keep hurting myself over people anymore. I've been afraid of being honest, telling you about all these feelings, you've left me drowning in. But I really don't wanna come off as strange or ruin things. Loving someone requires sacrifices, work and I would be more than willing to make them for you, but what does that make me? Would you do the same for me? You were in my dreams last night.Never seen your face but somehow, I know its you, the whole dream felt funny but I suppose dreams are like that at times. Most dreams with you it in they seem to have that theme. I know time is running out. I know you can't hold onto this forever. Maybe I could though I don't typically get crushes but when I do it's not really good I guess a lot of people are that way. To top off this long letter I wrote for you, I don't know you nearly enough for this, yet here I am contemplating. I do know you enough to know I really like you and it upsets me when you don't talk to be the whole day. I feel like I'm way too old for all this nonsense.
12.17.24
I’m so in love with you. It is sickening. I can’t get you off my mind, I can’t seem to find ways to get over you. I just want you. I want you so much. I see you everywhere. Every spot, every street I go to. I think of you with me. I can't live without you, I am nothing without you. I breathed for you, tore myself apart and put myself back tougher for you
12.17.24
I
I just feel so alone in a relationship kinda way, I need someone to connect with. I can't sleep because I can't stop thinking about him. I've been trying to sleep for the past two hours and nothing. He hasn't really said much to me the last few days so I'm not sure what's going on. On top of that I'm dealing with more issues really don't even know how to put my feelings and thoughts into words right now. I hate this so much. All I can say is I remember crushes being fun? Not whatever this is.I've only had 2 other crushes though
12.17.24
I've realistically always been a quiet person,never been a fan of talking to people I don't know - or socializing. I've never had irl really. I don't hangout with people my own age. I only go out on walks by myself which I love. I can listen to my music really loudly, I can think to myself, on top of that I'm burning calories while doing so. I also never really had an actual relationship with a guy besides online. So that means I'm still a virgin at 20 but I don't mind as much. But I really do love my online friends a lot. Which now that I'm 20 it feels weird to say. I hate getting older, but I guess it's a part of life? But I don't really mind not being a teenager anymore, those years were quite lonely and the worse. People were mean to me I used to get bullied ever since middle school. Of course, when I go out in public I have girls pointing at me and laughing but they aren't worth my time. But when I was in school it was different. They would make fun of my eyes and say "they are huge and look like they're gonna fall out of my head". They would make fun of my looks, I even had some guys who'd put hands on me but I won't get into that, they'd make fun of my style, hair, glasses just everything at this point. I never understood why I'm assuming it comes from their own insecurities and then waiting to feel superior which is dumb why bully someone to make yourself feel better about yourself. Whatever I suppose hopefully they'll grow out of it, I still see them in public and I can hear them laughing. Can't wait to move to the city.
.
I am starting to picture two different girls within me. One self that lives life happily, and wants to live the best life she can live. The other self that literally sabotages everything that the happy self has done and achieved. Being all crazy, easily triggered, self destruction. I don't know why I do it when I'm hurt or angry. I don't want to act on impulse anymore. Of course I want that girl that lives happily, married, a good career and a family someday. I don't like to self sabotage of course I don't purposely do it. But sometimes you can't help it and I really hope if someone's reading this they understand, or at least are at a sense of self that someone understands them too. But I don't wanna self sabotage anymore, I don't wanna ruin friendships or relationships. I want to actually get married one day and start a family. Yeah I may have done something really bad that could end it but sometimes I don't see right from wrong because of intense emotions and extreme thinking patterns: at the time at least I'll probably end up seeing the wrong a week later than end up regretting it. Nor do I think before I do certain things. Of course I don't mean to hurt people I would never go out of my way to hurt anyone in any way. I also don't like talking about this so this is why I made this website so I could remain somewhat anonymous.
11.8.24
If love is such a good thing why does it hurt so bad? I just wanna feel my hand in someone's, the heat of our own breath between us, and how you'd feel with your lips on mine. I just want someone to love. I hope I find that someday. I really thought I did but maybe he's still out there I just have to wait for him to come. Maybe I'm just blind and he's right in front of me I just don't see it.
11.12.24
This is like a rollercoaster of emotions constantly, all within 24 hours. Feeling empty, and a strong urge to fill the void inside. Anxiety, guilt, second guessing over literally everything, shame, loneliness. Regrets. Anger, lots of anger over small things, very often, with anger, frustration that's usually completely out of context but at times they it's not like that for me. Being set off easily, and quickly. A sense of dread and uneasiness about my future. Extremely hard not living in the past, I wish people would understand that . Admiration and hate, switching constantly, for the same person or maybe someone you may like . Feeling land masking. And lastly Unresolved trauma. I’m scared of the world, and in fear that nobody around me loves me for who I am and I am a burden. Yet I feel like everyone could like me. But I feel like I annoy everyone and I should just go away and leave them alone. Switching to "I'm gonna spam text them all day" then "I'm gonna not speak to this person all day" then people not believing anything is wrong. Meaning in reality, your head is a war zone or a jungle. The list goes on. I don't wanna type it all out on juat this one writings.
11.13.24
After a lifetime of being that way I hope my next one won't be that way, I will not make the same mistakes I made at all. I just hope I can find someone to love me for me. I'm sick of being told "he never loved you", "who could ever love you". "I could never love you". It really hurts. Like deeply hurts. Feeling like you will never be loved the way you love others. Is such a kick to the stomach.
11.15.24
I really hate that the smallest thing can happen and suddenly I feel like the room is collapsing and my chest is going to explode. I hate having to choose whether I should let it continue to grow and destroy me inside or if I'm going to open the flood gates and probably hurt the ones I love in the process which I would really hate to do so. I hate myself when it is all over and the guilt, shame and regret sits on my chest like a ton of rocks. Really really heavy rocks. I want to take it all back but I can't and all I want to do is to cry. It's not like I can ignore it, the emotional and sometimes physical mess is there to be cleaned up and it feels too big to face at the end of it. But my mistakes are made and those can't be taken back no matter what I do. Emotions so strong my mind can't comprehend nor even react to it switching so fast from happy to sad to emotional to happy. Like yes you may think "oh that's normal" but you're not understanding what I'm saying if you do think that. do the same to you. I'm sorry.
12.14.24
Being called awkward or werid by others, getting almost sick just being in public places or dreading being in a public area, hate walking in a public area especially since everyone is starting at you. This feeling of nervousness can cause your mind to go blank, making it difficult to think of things to say which makes it harder to talk to people in real life. Whenever you hear people laughing you automatically think they're making fun of you.
Also I can't keep eye contact for anything, it makes me feel uncomfortable or one again sick. Which leads up to never being able to talk in a room full of people due to them looking right at you, and the sick feeling. Or sometimes, I will stare directly at someone I don't know why I do it I'm scared too, so I'm going to walk up and slap me one day but I'm still going to do it.
12.16.24
Sometimes, the weight of loneliness can feel suffocating, wrapping around me like a thick fog that won't lift. I find myself in crowded rooms, surrounded by laughter and chatter, yet I remain untouched, a silent observer in a world that seems to move on without me. The silence echoes in my mind, reminding me of the connections I long for but can't seem to grasp. I yearn for a familiar voice or a hand to hold, yet there’s an invisible barrier between me and the warmth of companionship. It's in these moments that I realize how isolating it can be to feel like I’m on the outside looking in, longing for a bridge to span the distance to those who might truly understand. I keep falling in love with people I shouldn't. I can't stand this loneliness, my friends rarely talk to me. I think my crush hates me or I don't think he would ever wanna be with me. I'm not sure why anyone would. I hate this. I just want one person I can talk to all the time, someone who would understand. I keep surrounding myself with people I know are bad for me, but I don't understand why I feel the need to keep them around. I have a hard time trusting people and I'm paranoid about so many things, I wish someone out there would listen BUT I HATE HATE HATE LOVE RIGHT NOW.
12.16.24
We all deserve a happy ending fr
12.16.24
I meant everything I’ve ever said about you, and everything I’ve never said out loud.. and all the good things I think about you and all the bad things I think about You. And I was serious about. I'm not sure if you want to be in a relationship with me or anything, we just met a month or so. I'll give it time. Sometimes I I really wanna talk to you. most of the time I end up not doing so, and i know why but it’s confusing . I know if you wanted to reach out to me , you would’ve lol i try not to bother anyone anymore especially you but sometimes i want to tell you things. and it’s not always romantic or anything , i just want to talk to somebody I don’t wanna be a burden though and I really do like you. Especially with what happened with you know who that one night, I doubt you believe me but I can't force you. But I'll give it time. I can't keep hurting myself over people anymore. I've been afraid of being honest, telling you about all these feelings, you've left me drowning in. But I really don't wanna come off as strange or ruin things. Loving someone requires sacrifices, work and I would be more than willing to make them for you, but what does that make me? Would you do the same for me? You were in my dreams last night.Never seen your face but somehow, I know its you, the whole dream felt funny but I suppose dreams are like that at times. Most dreams with you it in they seem to have that theme. I know time is running out. I know you can't hold onto this forever. Maybe I could though I don't typically get crushes but when I do it's not really good I guess a lot of people are that way. To top off this long letter I wrote for you, I don't know you nearly enough for this, yet here I am contemplating. I do know you enough to know I really like you and it upsets me when you don't talk to be the whole day. I feel like I'm way too old for all this nonsense.
12.17.24
I’m so in love with you. It is sickening. I can’t get you off my mind, I can’t seem to find ways to get over you. I just want you. I want you so much. I see you everywhere. Every spot, every street I go to. I think of you with me. I can't live without you, I am nothing without you. I breathed for you, tore myself apart and put myself back tougher for you
12.17.24
I
I just feel so alone in a relationship kinda way, I need someone to connect with. I can't sleep because I can't stop thinking about him. I've been trying to sleep for the past two hours and nothing. He hasn't really said much to me the last few days so I'm not sure what's going on. On top of that I'm dealing with more issues really don't even know how to put my feelings and thoughts into words right now. I hate this so much. All I can say is I remember crushes being fun? Not whatever this is.I've only had 2 other crushes though
12.17.24
I've realistically always been a quiet person,never been a fan of talking to people I don't know - or socializing. I've never had irl really. I don't hangout with people my own age. I only go out on walks by myself which I love. I can listen to my music really loudly, I can think to myself, on top of that I'm burning calories while doing so. I also never really had an actual relationship with a guy besides online. So that means I'm still a virgin at 20 but I don't mind as much. But I really do love my online friends a lot. Which now that I'm 20 it feels weird to say. I hate getting older, but I guess it's a part of life? But I don't really mind not being a teenager anymore, those years were quite lonely and the worse. People were mean to me I used to get bullied ever since middle school. Of course, when I go out in public I have girls pointing at me and laughing but they aren't worth my time. But when I was in school it was different. They would make fun of my eyes and say "they are huge and look like they're gonna fall out of my head". They would make fun of my looks, I even had some guys who'd put hands on me but I won't get into that, they'd make fun of my style, hair, glasses just everything at this point. I never understood why I'm assuming it comes from their own insecurities and then waiting to feel superior which is dumb why bully someone to make yourself feel better about yourself. Whatever I suppose hopefully they'll grow out of it, I still see them in public and I can hear them laughing. Can't wait to move to the city.
.
This is like a rollercoaster of emotions constantly, all within 24 hours. Feeling empty, and a strong urge to fill the void inside. Anxiety, guilt, second guessing over literally everything, shame, loneliness. Regrets. Anger, lots of anger over small things, very often, with anger, frustration that's usually completely out of context but at times they it's not like that for me. Being set off easily, and quickly. A sense of dread and uneasiness about my future. Extremely hard not living in the past, I wish people would understand that . Admiration and hate, switching constantly, for the same person or maybe someone you may like . Feeling land masking. And lastly Unresolved trauma. I’m scared of the world, and in fear that nobody around me loves me for who I am and I am a burden. Yet I feel like everyone could like me. But I feel like I annoy everyone and I should just go away and leave them alone. Switching to "I'm gonna spam text them all day" then "I'm gonna not speak to this person all day" then people not believing anything is wrong. Meaning in reality, your head is a war zone or a jungle. The list goes on. I don't wanna type it all out on juat this one writings.
After a lifetime of being that way I hope my next one won't be that way, I will not make the same mistakes I made at all. I just hope I can find someone to love me for me. I'm sick of being told "he never loved you", "who could ever love you". "I could never love you". It really hurts. Like deeply hurts. Feeling like you will never be loved the way you love others. Is such a kick to the stomach.
11.15.24
I really hate that the smallest thing can happen and suddenly I feel like the room is collapsing and my chest is going to explode. I hate having to choose whether I should let it continue to grow and destroy me inside or if I'm going to open the flood gates and probably hurt the ones I love in the process which I would really hate to do so. I hate myself when it is all over and the guilt, shame and regret sits on my chest like a ton of rocks. Really really heavy rocks. I want to take it all back but I can't and all I want to do is to cry. It's not like I can ignore it, the emotional and sometimes physical mess is there to be cleaned up and it feels too big to face at the end of it. But my mistakes are made and those can't be taken back no matter what I do. Emotions so strong my mind can't comprehend nor even react to it switching so fast from happy to sad to emotional to happy. Like yes you may think "oh that's normal" but you're not understanding what I'm saying if you do think that. do the same to you. I'm sorry.
12.14.24
Being called awkward or werid by others, getting almost sick just being in public places or dreading being in a public area, hate walking in a public area especially since everyone is starting at you. This feeling of nervousness can cause your mind to go blank, making it difficult to think of things to say which makes it harder to talk to people in real life. Whenever you hear people laughing you automatically think they're making fun of you.
Also I can't keep eye contact for anything, it makes me feel uncomfortable or one again sick. Which leads up to never being able to talk in a room full of people due to them looking right at you, and the sick feeling. Or sometimes, I will stare directly at someone I don't know why I do it I'm scared too, so I'm going to walk up and slap me one day but I'm still going to do it.
After a lifetime of being that way I hope my next one won't be that way, I will not make the same mistakes I made at all. I just hope I can find someone to love me for me. I'm sick of being told "he never loved you", "who could ever love you". "I could never love you". It really hurts. Like deeply hurts. Feeling like you will never be loved the way you love others. Is such a kick to the stomach.
11.15.24
I really hate that the smallest thing can happen and suddenly I feel like the room is collapsing and my chest is going to explode. I hate having to choose whether I should let it continue to grow and destroy me inside or if I'm going to open the flood gates and probably hurt the ones I love in the process which I would really hate to do so. I hate myself when it is all over and the guilt, shame and regret sits on my chest like a ton of rocks. Really really heavy rocks. I want to take it all back but I can't and all I want to do is to cry. It's not like I can ignore it, the emotional and sometimes physical mess is there to be cleaned up and it feels too big to face at the end of it. But my mistakes are made and those can't be taken back no matter what I do. Emotions so strong my mind can't comprehend nor even react to it switching so fast from happy to sad to emotional to happy. Like yes you may think "oh that's normal" but you're not understanding what I'm saying if you do think that. do the same to you. I'm sorry.
12.14.24
Being called awkward or werid by others, getting almost sick just being in public places or dreading being in a public area, hate walking in a public area especially since everyone is starting at you. This feeling of nervousness can cause your mind to go blank, making it difficult to think of things to say which makes it harder to talk to people in real life. Whenever you hear people laughing you automatically think they're making fun of you.
Also I can't keep eye contact for anything, it makes me feel uncomfortable or one again sick. Which leads up to never being able to talk in a room full of people due to them looking right at you, and the sick feeling. Or sometimes, I will stare directly at someone I don't know why I do it I'm scared too, so I'm going to walk up and slap me one day but I'm still going to do it.
Being called awkward or werid by others, getting almost sick just being in public places or dreading being in a public area, hate walking in a public area especially since everyone is starting at you. This feeling of nervousness can cause your mind to go blank, making it difficult to think of things to say which makes it harder to talk to people in real life. Whenever you hear people laughing you automatically think they're making fun of you. Also I can't keep eye contact for anything, it makes me feel uncomfortable or one again sick. Which leads up to never being able to talk in a room full of people due to them looking right at you, and the sick feeling. Or sometimes, I will stare directly at someone I don't know why I do it I'm scared too, so I'm going to walk up and slap me one day but I'm still going to do it.
Sometimes, the weight of loneliness can feel suffocating, wrapping around me like a thick fog that won't lift. I find myself in crowded rooms, surrounded by laughter and chatter, yet I remain untouched, a silent observer in a world that seems to move on without me. The silence echoes in my mind, reminding me of the connections I long for but can't seem to grasp. I yearn for a familiar voice or a hand to hold, yet there’s an invisible barrier between me and the warmth of companionship. It's in these moments that I realize how isolating it can be to feel like I’m on the outside looking in, longing for a bridge to span the distance to those who might truly understand. I keep falling in love with people I shouldn't. I can't stand this loneliness, my friends rarely talk to me. I think my crush hates me or I don't think he would ever wanna be with me. I'm not sure why anyone would. I hate this. I just want one person I can talk to all the time, someone who would understand. I keep surrounding myself with people I know are bad for me, but I don't understand why I feel the need to keep them around. I have a hard time trusting people and I'm paranoid about so many things, I wish someone out there would listen BUT I HATE HATE HATE LOVE RIGHT NOW.
Sometimes, the weight of loneliness can feel suffocating, wrapping around me like a thick fog that won't lift. I find myself in crowded rooms, surrounded by laughter and chatter, yet I remain untouched, a silent observer in a world that seems to move on without me. The silence echoes in my mind, reminding me of the connections I long for but can't seem to grasp. I yearn for a familiar voice or a hand to hold, yet there’s an invisible barrier between me and the warmth of companionship. It's in these moments that I realize how isolating it can be to feel like I’m on the outside looking in, longing for a bridge to span the distance to those who might truly understand. I keep falling in love with people I shouldn't. I can't stand this loneliness, my friends rarely talk to me. I think my crush hates me or I don't think he would ever wanna be with me. I'm not sure why anyone would. I hate this. I just want one person I can talk to all the time, someone who would understand. I keep surrounding myself with people I know are bad for me, but I don't understand why I feel the need to keep them around. I have a hard time trusting people and I'm paranoid about so many things, I wish someone out there would listen BUT I HATE HATE HATE LOVE RIGHT NOW.
We all deserve a happy ending fr
We all deserve a happy ending fr
I meant everything I’ve ever said about you, and everything I’ve never said out loud.. and all the good things I think about you and all the bad things I think about You. And I was serious about. I'm not sure if you want to be in a relationship with me or anything, we just met a month or so. I'll give it time. Sometimes I I really wanna talk to you. most of the time I end up not doing so, and i know why but it’s confusing . I know if you wanted to reach out to me , you would’ve lol i try not to bother anyone anymore especially you but sometimes i want to tell you things. and it’s not always romantic or anything , i just want to talk to somebody I don’t wanna be a burden though and I really do like you. Especially with what happened with you know who that one night, I doubt you believe me but I can't force you. But I'll give it time. I can't keep hurting myself over people anymore. I've been afraid of being honest, telling you about all these feelings, you've left me drowning in. But I really don't wanna come off as strange or ruin things. Loving someone requires sacrifices, work and I would be more than willing to make them for you, but what does that make me? Would you do the same for me? You were in my dreams last night.Never seen your face but somehow, I know its you, the whole dream felt funny but I suppose dreams are like that at times. Most dreams with you it in they seem to have that theme. I know time is running out. I know you can't hold onto this forever. Maybe I could though I don't typically get crushes but when I do it's not really good I guess a lot of people are that way. To top off this long letter I wrote for you, I don't know you nearly enough for this, yet here I am contemplating. I do know you enough to know I really like you and it upsets me when you don't talk to be the whole day. I feel like I'm way too old for all this nonsense.
12.17.24
I’m so in love with you. It is sickening. I can’t get you off my mind, I can’t seem to find ways to get over you. I just want you. I want you so much. I see you everywhere. Every spot, every street I go to. I think of you with me. I can't live without you, I am nothing without you. I breathed for you, tore myself apart and put myself back tougher for you
12.17.24
I
I just feel so alone in a relationship kinda way, I need someone to connect with. I can't sleep because I can't stop thinking about him. I've been trying to sleep for the past two hours and nothing. He hasn't really said much to me the last few days so I'm not sure what's going on. On top of that I'm dealing with more issues really don't even know how to put my feelings and thoughts into words right now. I hate this so much. All I can say is I remember crushes being fun? Not whatever this is.I've only had 2 other crushes though
12.17.24
I've realistically always been a quiet person,never been a fan of talking to people I don't know - or socializing. I've never had irl really. I don't hangout with people my own age. I only go out on walks by myself which I love. I can listen to my music really loudly, I can think to myself, on top of that I'm burning calories while doing so. I also never really had an actual relationship with a guy besides online. So that means I'm still a virgin at 20 but I don't mind as much. But I really do love my online friends a lot. Which now that I'm 20 it feels weird to say. I hate getting older, but I guess it's a part of life? But I don't really mind not being a teenager anymore, those years were quite lonely and the worse. People were mean to me I used to get bullied ever since middle school. Of course, when I go out in public I have girls pointing at me and laughing but they aren't worth my time. But when I was in school it was different. They would make fun of my eyes and say "they are huge and look like they're gonna fall out of my head". They would make fun of my looks, I even had some guys who'd put hands on me but I won't get into that, they'd make fun of my style, hair, glasses just everything at this point. I never understood why I'm assuming it comes from their own insecurities and then waiting to feel superior which is dumb why bully someone to make yourself feel better about yourself. Whatever I suppose hopefully they'll grow out of it, I still see them in public and I can hear them laughing. Can't wait to move to the city.
.
I meant everything I’ve ever said about you, and everything I’ve never said out loud.. and all the good things I think about you and all the bad things I think about You. And I was serious about. I'm not sure if you want to be in a relationship with me or anything, we just met a month or so. I'll give it time. Sometimes I I really wanna talk to you. most of the time I end up not doing so, and i know why but it’s confusing . I know if you wanted to reach out to me , you would’ve lol i try not to bother anyone anymore especially you but sometimes i want to tell you things. and it’s not always romantic or anything , i just want to talk to somebody I don’t wanna be a burden though and I really do like you. Especially with what happened with you know who that one night, I doubt you believe me but I can't force you. But I'll give it time. I can't keep hurting myself over people anymore. I've been afraid of being honest, telling you about all these feelings, you've left me drowning in. But I really don't wanna come off as strange or ruin things. Loving someone requires sacrifices, work and I would be more than willing to make them for you, but what does that make me? Would you do the same for me? You were in my dreams last night.Never seen your face but somehow, I know its you, the whole dream felt funny but I suppose dreams are like that at times. Most dreams with you it in they seem to have that theme. I know time is running out. I know you can't hold onto this forever. Maybe I could though I don't typically get crushes but when I do it's not really good I guess a lot of people are that way. To top off this long letter I wrote for you, I don't know you nearly enough for this, yet here I am contemplating. I do know you enough to know I really like you and it upsets me when you don't talk to be the whole day. I feel like I'm way too old for all this nonsense.
12.17.24
I’m so in love with you. It is sickening. I can’t get you off my mind, I can’t seem to find ways to get over you. I just want you. I want you so much. I see you everywhere. Every spot, every street I go to. I think of you with me. I can't live without you, I am nothing without you. I breathed for you, tore myself apart and put myself back tougher for you
I
I just feel so alone in a relationship kinda way, I need someone to connect with. I can't sleep because I can't stop thinking about him. I've been trying to sleep for the past two hours and nothing. He hasn't really said much to me the last few days so I'm not sure what's going on. On top of that I'm dealing with more issues really don't even know how to put my feelings and thoughts into words right now. I hate this so much. All I can say is I remember crushes being fun? Not whatever this is.I've only had 2 other crushes though
I I just feel so alone in a relationship kinda way, I need someone to connect with. I can't sleep because I can't stop thinking about him. I've been trying to sleep for the past two hours and nothing. He hasn't really said much to me the last few days so I'm not sure what's going on. On top of that I'm dealing with more issues really don't even know how to put my feelings and thoughts into words right now. I hate this so much. All I can say is I remember crushes being fun? Not whatever this is.I've only had 2 other crushes though
I've realistically always been a quiet person,never been a fan of talking to people I don't know - or socializing. I've never had irl really. I don't hangout with people my own age. I only go out on walks by myself which I love. I can listen to my music really loudly, I can think to myself, on top of that I'm burning calories while doing so. I also never really had an actual relationship with a guy besides online. So that means I'm still a virgin at 20 but I don't mind as much. But I really do love my online friends a lot. Which now that I'm 20 it feels weird to say. I hate getting older, but I guess it's a part of life? But I don't really mind not being a teenager anymore, those years were quite lonely and the worse. People were mean to me I used to get bullied ever since middle school. Of course, when I go out in public I have girls pointing at me and laughing but they aren't worth my time. But when I was in school it was different. They would make fun of my eyes and say "they are huge and look like they're gonna fall out of my head". They would make fun of my looks, I even had some guys who'd put hands on me but I won't get into that, they'd make fun of my style, hair, glasses just everything at this point. I never understood why I'm assuming it comes from their own insecurities and then waiting to feel superior which is dumb why bully someone to make yourself feel better about yourself. Whatever I suppose hopefully they'll grow out of it, I still see them in public and I can hear them laughing. Can't wait to move to the city.
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I've realistically always been a quiet person,never been a fan of talking to people I don't know - or socializing. I've never had irl really. I don't hangout with people my own age. I only go out on walks by myself which I love. I can listen to my music really loudly, I can think to myself, on top of that I'm burning calories while doing so. I also never really had an actual relationship with a guy besides online. So that means I'm still a virgin at 20 but I don't mind as much. But I really do love my online friends a lot. Which now that I'm 20 it feels weird to say. I hate getting older, but I guess it's a part of life? But I don't really mind not being a teenager anymore, those years were quite lonely and the worse. People were mean to me I used to get bullied ever since middle school. Of course, when I go out in public I have girls pointing at me and laughing but they aren't worth my time. But when I was in school it was different. They would make fun of my eyes and say "they are huge and look like they're gonna fall out of my head". They would make fun of my looks, I even had some guys who'd put hands on me but I won't get into that, they'd make fun of my style, hair, glasses just everything at this point. I never understood why I'm assuming it comes from their own insecurities and then waiting to feel superior which is dumb why bully someone to make yourself feel better about yourself. Whatever I suppose hopefully they'll grow out of it, I still see them in public and I can hear them laughing. Can't wait to move to the city.
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